We feel as if we have had an out of body experience. All that has happen since May has been exhausting. It’s hard for most people to understand what we have undergone or how drastically our lives have changed. This joyous time has become an inescapable nightmare.
Jose and I have experienced loss during our lives. We have lost friends, money, careers, siblings, grandparents and parents. None of these prior events compare to the loss we have recently incurred.
The first portion of our downward slide involved the loss of a child. This is still ever present but has taken on many new dimensions. The loss of our hopes, dreams and future have come into play during this journey. These are all hard things to reconcile regardless of the circumstances.
During this short period, we have isolated ourselves from friends and family. This is simply part of the grief process. This approached has also been the only way we know to handle innocent questions, inquires into events and personal words of wisdom. Unless someone has walked in our shoes they have little insight into our feelings or current frame of mind.
Jose and I have experienced loss during our lives. We have lost friends, money, careers, siblings, grandparents and parents. None of these prior events compare to the loss we have recently incurred.
The first portion of our downward slide involved the loss of a child. This is still ever present but has taken on many new dimensions. The loss of our hopes, dreams and future have come into play during this journey. These are all hard things to reconcile regardless of the circumstances.
During this short period, we have isolated ourselves from friends and family. This is simply part of the grief process. This approached has also been the only way we know to handle innocent questions, inquires into events and personal words of wisdom. Unless someone has walked in our shoes they have little insight into our feelings or current frame of mind.
We have had to travel this path alone. Adoption agencies are not the best at providing this sort of support and after care. Agency social workers are much too busy trying to connect families with perspective birthmothers. Few groups exist for this specific venue of grief. We really do not fit into a group that deals with loss of a loved one, death of child or miscarriages. Our circumstance is entirely different from those occurrences. Throw in the fact that we are a non-traditional couple and that complicates the process even more.
We received a call from our first match. This is the Birthmother that decided to parent after giving birth. We had a nice conversation that was very therapeutic to everyone involved. She explained her perspective and choice to parent. She also apologized for all she put us through and reassured us that the failed adoption was not our fault. She simply stated, "I was incapable of giving up my baby but Jose and you would have made wonderful parents." Her words gave us closure.
Some days we just want all this to stop! We realize that if we do not continue our intended goal will never be reached. We need to grieve and we need to continue our search for a new birthmother. Both of these facts are our everyday reality!
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