Our thoughts on moving forward...

Today we sent the attached letter to our adoption agency. It truly expresses our feelings and the waves of emotions we are facing. This entire experience has been surreal. In a strange twist of fate the tables were turned on us. We now feel we have great insight into the emotions a birthmother faces when placing her child for adoption.

Thank you for all you have done for us during this difficult time. The last month has not been easy and the last few days have been filled with grief. Jose and I could not get through this experience without the support of Family to Family Adoptions.

We are still having waves of emotions but are trying to find ways to overcome them. Yesterday we returned many baby things that were especially purchased for Catalina. We could not stand having them in our home and did not want to use them for our future child. This weekend we plan to find a quite countryside place to bury her monogrammed blanket. We think this symbolic jester will help us heal and move forward.

We ultimately know the way we will truly recover is having a child of our own. We have quickly realized that we have the capacity to love another child. As Jennifer stated, “You have to get back up on that horse as quickly as possible.” We want you to know we are a little shaky but are sitting in the saddle and ready for our next ride.

As for Molly… this was a special girl with a very special set of circumstances. We feel as if we were used by her but know some of our jesters and kindness effected her. She may realize what we were trying to do for her in the days that lie ahead. Regardless, we wish her well and hope that Gods light shines upon her daughter, Nevaeh.

We have decided that this last experience can not affect our relationship with our future child’s birthmother. We have to start out on a fresh note and put the past behind us. The next birthmother will have the same opportunities that we gave Molly. We must do this because this is the Christian thing to do and it is the right thing to do for our child. Mind you, we will be more cautious the next time around. Please know we still embrace the open adoption concept and pray for a birthmother that can bond with our family.

In the coming weeks and months we will be seeking patience. The wait at this point will be much harder than 8 months we waited for Catalina. We know what to expect from the wait but with our current loss this wait will be very different than our first. Please help us as quickly a possible to move from this valley we sit within.

We know everything will eventually be okay as a sign surfaced Tuesday night. Our friend and support Karla (Ann’s friend) came to our home and took us to dinner. Our spirits were low but during the course of our meal a child appeared. She was a beautiful 3 year old girl with the attitude of a 6 year old. This little girl took to Jose in the strangest way and it seems she was drawn to him. She stayed with us for more than 30 minutes. Seeing Jose interact with the little girl brought unstoppable tears to my eyes. I simply could not stop crying for a plethora of reasons. At some point our friend Karla began speaking with the little girl’s mother 2 tables away. During their conversation Karla shared the loss we had faced earlier in the day. It turned out that she was a birthmother that had relinquished 24 years ago. She also shared that she had been reunited with her adopted child (a son) and was waiting on his first child to be born. What are the odds we randomly run into these people? Mind you, random strangers! We take this as a sign that we will heal and be able to move forward. We think this was God whispering in our ear.

The only words I can express are, “help us find our child.” Please feel free to share our thoughts and this letter with everyone at the agency. They are all dear women with compassionate and caring hearts.

We will be in touch in the very near future. Please contact us if you have any potential situations that might meet our needs. We will not give up our search and with your help we will find our child.

Sincerely,
Brandon